American Pie 2009

A long, long time ago…

I can still remember how
That the news helped me relax.
And I knew if I had to choose,
That I could watch the news,
And maybe I’d learn the facts.

But this summer made me shiver
With every paper I would quiver
No news on my doorstep;
Of ACORN or Van Jones missteps.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I saw what they tried to hide;
But something touched me deep inside
The year that old news died.

So bye-bye Miss American Pie
Drove my ‘puter to Drudge Report,
Since the Times was bone dry.
And them good old boys were linking Breitbart and Beck
Singin’, D.C. is as corrupt as heck.
D.C. is as corrupt as heck.

Did you write about drama,
And do you have faith in Obama,
When the ‘prompter speaks to thee?
Do you believe in NBC,
Can the truth really set you free,
And can you teach me of what I should see?

Well, we know that you’re in love with him
’cause we saw you bowin’ on a whim
You all showed us the news
Man I dig those reds and blues.

I was a lonely mid-aged news junkie
With an ergo keyboard and wifi speed
But I knew TV was not for me
The year that old news died.

I started singin’,
Bye-bye Miss American Pie
Drove my ‘puter to Drudge Report,
Since the Times was bone dry.
And them good old boys were linking Breitbart and Beck
Singin’, D.C. is as corrupt as heck.
D.C. is as corrupt as heck.

Now with internet we’re on our own.
And news moves fast in the YouTube zone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
The Grey Lady wrote for the king and all
In a “scoop” they borrowed from Hardball
With noses that looked down on us all.

Oh, and while writers were looking down,
The Grey Lady lost her news crown.
The Senate was adjourned;
No funding was returned.
And while Obama read Alinsky,
The Post kept his rep orderly
And Rush shouted “why can’t you see?”
The year that old news died.

We were singin’
Bye-bye Miss American Pie
Drove my ‘puter to Drudge Report,
Since the Times was bone dry.
And them good old boys were linking Breitbart and Beck
Singin’, D.C. is as corrupt as heck.
D.C. is as corrupt as heck.

Town hall meetings in a summer sweater.
While newsies warned us all of hot weather,
3k miles from coast to coast.
Size of gov’t riled us the most.
Pelosi said we are all compost
With the Grey Lady silent as a ghost

Now the networks continued to fail
While Hannah told her special tale
We all looked to Gibson,
Oh, but ACORN was news to him!
When the ACORN Prez tried to take the field;
James and Hannah refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The year that old news died?

We started singing,
Bye-bye Miss American Pie
Drove my ‘puter to Drudge Report,
Since the Times was bone dry.
And them good old boys were linking Breitbart and Beck
Singin’, D.C. is as corrupt as heck.
D.C. is as corrupt as heck.

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
Tea partiers come to make their case
We called on Gibson once again
So come now: Chuck be nimble, Chuck be quick!
Chuck’s in Maine ignoring those hicks
Cause ignorance is the devil’s friend.

Oh, as I heard this supposed sage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
Someone would surely tell
And break Obama’s spell
But while we all waited into the night
For the real numbers of our might,
Obama was laughing with delight
The year that old news died.

He was singing,
Bye-bye Miss American Pie
Drove my ‘puter to Drudge Report,
Since the Times was bone dry.
And them good old boys were linking Breitbart and Beck
Singin’, D.C. is as corrupt as heck.
D.C. is as corrupt as heck

I read a girl who they call absurd
And the Times on her book has no word
But she just smiled and blew HotAir.
I went to the sacred station
I’d  once watched news of our nation,
And the Wolf there said that FoxNews wasn’t Fair.

And on the webs: YouTubers ruled,
The lib’rals cried, and anchors were schooled.
But not a word was spoken;
Of crowds or ACORN broken.
And the three we once trusted most:
Brokaw, Jennings, and Rather the host,
They caught a fast train for the coast
The year that old news died.

And they were singing.
Bye-bye Miss American Pie
Drove my ‘puter to Drudge Report,
Since the Times was bone dry.
And them good old boys were linking Breitbart and Beck
Singin’, D.C. is as corrupt as heck.
D.C. is as corrupt as heck

They were singing.
Bye-bye Miss American Pie
Drove my ‘puter to Drudge Report,
Since the Times was bone dry.
And them good old boys were linking Breitbart and Beck
Singin’, D.C. is as corrupt as heck.
D.C. is as corrupt as heck